And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
