I smell stomach acid.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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