I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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