I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
