I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
