Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
