chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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