Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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