i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
