i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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