I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
