We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
