bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
