I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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