So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
