walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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