My liver just broke up with me...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
