1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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