Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
