It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
