kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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