Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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