the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
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And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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