Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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