The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
