Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
