i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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