I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
