Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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