PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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