I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
