1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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