he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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