my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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