this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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