You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
