is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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