we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
