Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
