I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
