True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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