So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
