Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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