Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
