I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
