In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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