Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
