Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
