i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
