i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
