i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
