i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
