btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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