Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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