Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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