So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
