i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
