the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
