I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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