Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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