And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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