I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
